The second tenet of our Congregational Covenant asks us to “listen deeply and appreciatively,” which at first glance sounds reasonable and simple enough. Though I think it’s certainly reasonable, I’m not so sure it’s very simple. In fact, based on the amount of miscommunication that occurs in the world generally, I’m not sure we listen very well at all.
What does it mean to really listen to another person? Simon Sinek says, “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” When I read that, I knew it applied to me – all too often I’m actively constructing my come-back or my next comment as I think I’m listening.
So what is listening? I think really effective listening requires that we fully open ourselves to the other person and listen in a way that allows us to “see” the world from that person’s point of view. I don’t need to agree with this point of view, but I do need to understand it fully. This, I believe is what it means to listen appreciatively. So that the person knows I see things from his or her perspective, I might repeat what I think I’ve heard, or I can ask also clarifying questions.
Sometimes, I think we also need to “listen” to body language, which very often can tell us so much more than the actual words the person is using. I certainly found this to true many times when interacting with my eighth grade students – an offhand comment often concealed a very deep hurt.
Listening is not an easy art to do well all of the time, but I believe as David Isay of Story Core says, “Listening is an act of love.” And as we know, “love is the spirit of this church.”
By Jennifer Munro
Member of the Covenant Tender’s Team