There Oughta Be a Law!
Or not.
We are a nation of laws and, as Unitarian Universalists, we accept the second principle (“Justice, equity and compassion in human relations”) in part because it presumes the presence of fair laws.
But, my friends, laws in this country are all too often not quite fair and some are downright … oh, what’s the word? I’ve got it! Ridiculous. That’s the word. Some laws are simply ridiculous. You ask what makes these laws ridiculous, to which I reply that while they might have made sense at the time they were passed, they certainly don’t now. Tell me what you think about the baker’s dozen below and, yes, each one of them is true:
- New Jersey: It is illegal in this state to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a homicide.
- Minnesota: Until very recently, it was illegal to play Bingo in a nursing home or assisted-living facility more than twice in the same week. (I worked in an assisted-living facility for several years. A law like this, if enforced, would have caused riots.)
- Kansas: Enjoy your slice of cherry pie, but be prepared to pay a fine if you’re caught putting a scoop of ice cream on top of it. Apple pie lovers, however, are safe.
- Connecticut: Legally, one cannot call a pickle a pickle unless it bounces. (Hey, don’t ask me!)
- Connecticut: In Hartford, it is strictly against the law to cross the street while walking on your hands. (However, to the best of my exemplary researching skills (and to my utter relief), it is still OK to do a Conga line across the street.)
- Idaho: You may be happy to know that cannibalism is illegal in Idaho. (Which makes me wonder if that means it’s legal elsewhere…)
- Alaska: It is against the law to look at a moose from an airplane. (No, I’m not making these up.)
- Florida: (It was a temptation to skip this one, but I chose rather to amend the language somewhat) The Sunshine State strictly forbids having marital relations with a porcupine.
- Florida: While still on the books and widely ignored, unmarried women are not allowed to jump from an airplane with a parachute. (What bothers me most about this law is that there isn’t another law prohibiting jumping from an airplane without a parachute.)
- Georgia: Eating fried chicken with a fork is illegal. (In 2009, a woman was arrested for doing so, but was pardoned. Apparently, the governor at the time was perfectly comfortable having scofflaws running amok.)
- Indiana: If you’re vacationing in Indiana, note well that you are forbidden from catching fish with your bare hands.
- Vermont: In order to get dentures, a wife must have written permission from her husband.
- Arizona: If you find yourself in Arizona, please, please remember it is against the law to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7pm.
Silly head-shakers all, and I haven’t even exposed the tip of the iceberg. So be careful wherever you go and whatever you do because ignorance is never a defense. Don’t believe me? Well, then, just be extra careful where you stay in a Texas hotel, because it’s illegal to shoot a buffalo from the second floor.
This week’s Street Advertising Smile: 